[ when ann runs into allura post-trial, it's by accident. she's been silent for a few days, now. she bumps into her because she's distracted; and when she looks up at allura, there's only a tiny trace of surprise. ]
[Allura has also been rather quiet since the trials, distracted by the events that unfolded. She'd gone outside to get some air when she feels someone bump into her. Allura blinks, then smiles faintly.]
It's alright. I- wasn't paying much attention, either. ...Are you alright?
[ allura seems to be holding it together a lot more than ann is. that, or she's better at hiding her pain. ann wears her heart on her sleeve. it's obvious in how she doesn't smimle at her--something she could've at least managed back when they met again at the denny. ]
[It's... the latter. Definitely the latter. She's has years of practice to hide or shove down her emotions to deal with when she is alone. She doesn't quite buy Ann's response, but then
Her own walls have a few cracks.]
I've... been better. [She admits after a few seconds of rather obvious struggling with allowing her mask to slip even slightly. It helps that there are a few hairline fractures.] But I am managing. Just needed to get some fresh air.
[And when you live with three young men and a tomboy... yeah.]
[ being raised in a society where keeping your feelings to yourself is highly encouraged, ann grew up thinking that people who held in their feelings were strong. but since joining the phantom thieves, since meeting shiho, she's felt otherwise. but she doesn't blame allura for holding back. she's been there. ]
[If she knew, she'd sympathize greatly. Though on her end, it is mostly the fact she is royalty. ...It's been a hard, many phoebs - months. Earth time measurements are so strange.
She sighs. A part of her wants to argue that Ann can't possibly, but she holds her tongue.]
...I haven't spoken to Pidge since we got out of the maze, [she admits quietly.] Shiro and Lance are handling it as they normally do, and Keith... I think this is the first time I haven't heard him following me since we got out.
Nor do I. Though I would hope Keith would at least trust me to look after myself-
[It's only when the words leave her mouth that she realizes what she said. Her eyes widen, as if something else falls into place, and she closes her mouth. Trust goes both ways, after all.]
[ oh. huh. that was...certainly a slipup, and ann frowns. the right thing to do in this situation would be to keep her mouth shut, pretend she didn't hear anything. but... ]
You know... He hasn't told me anything, but I think he's been through a lot while he's been here. I've only heard stories of what happened before I came here, so I'm just taking a wild guess. But it just...it just feels like he doesn't want to lose anyone. Especially you guys.
[ maybe she's said too much. but ann isn't going to take back what she said. even if she doesn't sound as compassionate as she usually does when she says it. ]
[Well, congratulations. Allura blinks; stunned. She already knew this, yet at the same time - to hear another person speak it hits home. She remembers the look in his eyes when she tried to push him away all because of his heritage. She also remembers the look in his eyes when they all confronted him when his absence nearly cost them not only their lives, but the refugees and coalition members' lives as well. How much he struggled with opening up even a little bit back then.
'Why couldn't you trust me to lead my own way, like you guys wanted me to?' It stung just as much as Lotor's and her parent's voices.]
I realize that. It's just... [She stops herself again, shaking her head as she hesitates. Almost as if debating something in her head.]
I don't want to, either. They're all the family I have in our reality. Mine have been gone for many decaphoebs- years. [She corrects herself.] But I fear my own actions have added more strain than was due.
[At the very least, it's not much of a difference in sadness levels than she had when she walked out of the Voltron cottage.
Allura shakes her head again. If anyone should apologize, it is her. She gestures for Ann to follow her until they're out of her hearing range of the cottages before saying why.] Because I held him to the standard of Altean royalty and military leadership rather than a friend in grief. Keith took over leadership of the Paladins at a difficult time for all of us, and I pushed him. We all did.
[ She's sort of wandering around when she finds Allura. There's a moment when she's jerked back to the labyrinth, back to the phantom of Allura and the words it had said. She knows it isn't what Allura thinks--probably--but it's made its mark on her heart.
[Allura had taken to wandering as well, walking to clear her head and give herself some time to think. She can sometimes still hear the voices of her friends behind her ear, so disappointed in her. Oddly enough, the voice who got to her most was...
'Why couldn't you trust me enough to hear my side?'
One breath in, one breath out. Just in time to hear someone greet her. She turns and smiles faintly; tired.]
Hello, Mira. How have you been? I haven't seen you since...
[Well, since she woke up amidst Pidge and a bunch of strangers; put through her own trial.]
[ It'd be easy to lie, wouldn't it? To smile an brush it off and say she's just fine. But... she wants to be stronger. She wants to stop running away from things, so. ]
I've been... better. [ What does she do with her hands? She pushes a bit of hair behind her ear. ] ... Were you a part of those trials, too? I wanted to make sure you were-- [ alive ] --okay.
[ It's that simple shifting that finally gets Mira to separate the two Alluras. The phantom--the product of her fears--and the real Allura, who exudes such kindness, such patience, such grace. ]
I think a lot of us have. [ She lets out a breath, crosses over to put her hand on Allura's shoulder. ] I... There's something I need to tell you, but I don't know if this is the greatest time.
Okay. [ And here, she pulls her hand away. She folds them in front of herself. ] I haven't told anyone here about this. Ren--she's one of the others in my trial--knows, because it came up in my own. I have a power... to feel the emotions of those around me. If I wanted, I could even influence their emotions, manipulate them--
[ She raises her hands defensively, her eyes widening a bit. ]
--not that I'd ever do that to anyone here. But... I've always been afraid that someone would find out somehow, and see me as a monster.
And I don't... want to keep anything like this from the people who have been kind to me. You all deserve much better than that.
You're an empath? [She only ever heard of them in stories, and in all honestly, there's a quiet awe in her eyes for a second before she reaches out for one of her hands.] Let me show you something.
[If she takes her hand, Allura will lead her to a spot where she noticed some dying vegetation.]
[ Compared to the fake Allura in her trial, this is... well. Allura isn't lashing out, she's not even... upset. Mira can feel the awe, even if she tries not to, but...
It's the first time anyone has ever reacted like this.
She takes Allura's hand, and follows. As she does, softly, she asks, ]
Why would I be? You said yourself that you would not use your gift to manipulate others.
[Sincerity and curiosity echo in her words as she points out the fact.] ...I myself could do irreparable harm -- every being in every reality could.
[She stops in front of the patch of tan and brown. Letting go of Mira's hand, she takes a couple more steps on her own then turns to face her. She kneels down, placing a hand on the ground just on the edge of the bit of soil.]
But like my father once said, there are those with the power to destroy... [She closes her eyes, allowing her own quintessence to gently seep into the land. In a pale cyan glow, the plants on the affected bit of soil begin to spring to life once more. When the glow ceases, they're thriving.] ...and the power to create.
[She stands again, smiling faintly.] I know one other with the same powers I have that lives in our time, and she uses it to take rather than give back. The only difference is how we use it.
[ For a while, she can't speak. Between Allura's words and what she's shown her, it's hard to find the words. She just watches Allura for a while, and she's suddenly more aware of a lot of things. What she's feeling, particularly. It's the sort of acceptance she has rarely experienced from anyone other than Nari and Aiden.
She just barely stops herself from pulling Allura into a hug. Instead, she takes her hands, and her eyes sting with tears. ]
I can't imagine you using your powers for something so cruel. [ She's embarrassed that she's started crying, and she ducks her head down. ] ... Thank you, Allura. Thank you.
[Allura waits patiently, watching the emotions flicker on her face. Almost as if it's rare for someone to do this. Accept her for what she is on face value and her word alone. What kind of world must hers be?
Oh my goodness, girl; it's fine. You can hug her. She squeezes her hands back, before noticing the tears and smiling a reassurance.] You don't have to thank me. That's what friends are for.
[ sometime during the evening on christmas day, allura will find a note addressed to her at the door of the voltron shack. ]
Allura,
First of all, I'm really sorry I don't have anything special to give to you other than this, and I totally won't blame you if you think this is lame and cheesy, but here goes nothing:
I know we literally just met a few weeks ago, but you're seriously amazing. It helped that Keith said good things about you before you got here (haha), but I think it's really incredible that you're still kind and strong and compassionate even after everything you've been through. I meant it when I said you reminded me of my best friend from home. I think you guys would really get along :)
I can't thank you enough for being here for me after everything. I know I wasn't (and still not) exactly the best person to be around, but it feels like I'm starting to recover because of you and the others being here for me. It means the world to me, and I promise that I'll do everything I can to return the favor.
Merry Christmas Allura, and thanks for everything!
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post-trials
Oh--I'm sorry, Allura.
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It's alright. I- wasn't paying much attention, either. ...Are you alright?
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Yeah. Just...you know. Walking. ...Are you?
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Her own walls have a few cracks.]
I've... been better. [She admits after a few seconds of rather obvious struggling with allowing her mask to slip even slightly. It helps that there are a few hairline fractures.] But I am managing. Just needed to get some fresh air.
[And when you live with three young men and a tomboy... yeah.]
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[ being raised in a society where keeping your feelings to yourself is highly encouraged, ann grew up thinking that people who held in their feelings were strong. but since joining the phantom thieves, since meeting shiho, she's felt otherwise. but she doesn't blame allura for holding back. she's been there. ]
How's everyone else holding up?
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She sighs. A part of her wants to argue that Ann can't possibly, but she holds her tongue.]
...I haven't spoken to Pidge since we got out of the maze, [she admits quietly.] Shiro and Lance are handling it as they normally do, and Keith... I think this is the first time I haven't heard him following me since we got out.
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[ this is all heartbreaking. she slumps over a little. ]
I'm sorry you arrived when you did. Nobody deserves to be put through this. Any of this.
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[It's only when the words leave her mouth that she realizes what she said. Her eyes widen, as if something else falls into place, and she closes her mouth. Trust goes both ways, after all.]
...It's alright. I- think I needed to.
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You know... He hasn't told me anything, but I think he's been through a lot while he's been here. I've only heard stories of what happened before I came here, so I'm just taking a wild guess. But it just...it just feels like he doesn't want to lose anyone. Especially you guys.
[ maybe she's said too much. but ann isn't going to take back what she said. even if she doesn't sound as compassionate as she usually does when she says it. ]
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'Why couldn't you trust me to lead my own way, like you guys wanted me to?' It stung just as much as Lotor's and her parent's voices.]
I realize that. It's just... [She stops herself again, shaking her head as she hesitates. Almost as if debating something in her head.]
I don't want to, either. They're all the family I have in our reality. Mine have been gone for many decaphoebs- years. [She corrects herself.] But I fear my own actions have added more strain than was due.
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I'm sorry. [ she genuinely is. she knows what it's like to not have a family but not in the way she thinks allura does. ] Why do you think that way?
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Allura shakes her head again. If anyone should apologize, it is her. She gestures for Ann to follow her until they're out of her hearing range of the cottages before saying why.] Because I held him to the standard of Altean royalty and military leadership rather than a friend in grief. Keith took over leadership of the Paladins at a difficult time for all of us, and I pushed him. We all did.
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post-trials
Still, she gives her a little smile. ]
... Hi.
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'Why couldn't you trust me enough to hear my side?'
One breath in, one breath out. Just in time to hear someone greet her. She turns and smiles faintly; tired.]
Hello, Mira. How have you been? I haven't seen you since...
[Well, since she woke up amidst Pidge and a bunch of strangers; put through her own trial.]
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[ It'd be easy to lie, wouldn't it? To smile an brush it off and say she's just fine. But... she wants to be stronger. She wants to stop running away from things, so. ]
I've been... better. [ What does she do with her hands? She pushes a bit of hair behind her ear. ] ... Were you a part of those trials, too? I wanted to make sure you were-- [ alive ] --okay.
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... I was, yes. [She clasps her hands in front of her, turning her head to the side slightly.] And I have... been better, as well.
[At least she didn't reach the maximum of five deaths?]
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I think a lot of us have. [ She lets out a breath, crosses over to put her hand on Allura's shoulder. ] I... There's something I need to tell you, but I don't know if this is the greatest time.
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[So many electrical shocks and trappings. So little time. Wow. She blinks at the hand upon her shoulder, meeting Mira's gaze.]
What is it, Mira? [Sorry, but now there is +1 curious princess on your hands, Mira.]
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Okay. [ And here, she pulls her hand away. She folds them in front of herself. ] I haven't told anyone here about this. Ren--she's one of the others in my trial--knows, because it came up in my own. I have a power... to feel the emotions of those around me. If I wanted, I could even influence their emotions, manipulate them--
[ She raises her hands defensively, her eyes widening a bit. ]
--not that I'd ever do that to anyone here. But... I've always been afraid that someone would find out somehow, and see me as a monster.
And I don't... want to keep anything like this from the people who have been kind to me. You all deserve much better than that.
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You're an empath? [She only ever heard of them in stories, and in all honestly, there's a quiet awe in her eyes for a second before she reaches out for one of her hands.] Let me show you something.
[If she takes her hand, Allura will lead her to a spot where she noticed some dying vegetation.]
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[ Compared to the fake Allura in her trial, this is... well. Allura isn't lashing out, she's not even... upset. Mira can feel the awe, even if she tries not to, but...
It's the first time anyone has ever reacted like this.
She takes Allura's hand, and follows. As she does, softly, she asks, ]
You're not upset?
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[Sincerity and curiosity echo in her words as she points out the fact.] ...I myself could do irreparable harm -- every being in every reality could.
[She stops in front of the patch of tan and brown. Letting go of Mira's hand, she takes a couple more steps on her own then turns to face her. She kneels down, placing a hand on the ground just on the edge of the bit of soil.]
But like my father once said, there are those with the power to destroy... [She closes her eyes, allowing her own quintessence to gently seep into the land. In a pale cyan glow, the plants on the affected bit of soil begin to spring to life once more. When the glow ceases, they're thriving.] ...and the power to create.
[She stands again, smiling faintly.] I know one other with the same powers I have that lives in our time, and she uses it to take rather than give back. The only difference is how we use it.
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She just barely stops herself from pulling Allura into a hug. Instead, she takes her hands, and her eyes sting with tears. ]
I can't imagine you using your powers for something so cruel. [ She's embarrassed that she's started crying, and she ducks her head down. ] ... Thank you, Allura. Thank you.
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Oh my goodness, girl; it's fine. You can hug her. She squeezes her hands back, before noticing the tears and smiling a reassurance.] You don't have to thank me. That's what friends are for.
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12/25
Allura,
First of all, I'm really sorry I don't have anything special to give to you other than this, and I totally won't blame you if you think this is lame and cheesy, but here goes nothing:
I know we literally just met a few weeks ago, but you're seriously amazing. It helped that Keith said good things about you before you got here (haha), but I think it's really incredible that you're still kind and strong and compassionate even after everything you've been through. I meant it when I said you reminded me of my best friend from home. I think you guys would really get along :)
I can't thank you enough for being here for me after everything. I know I wasn't (and still not) exactly the best person to be around, but it feels like I'm starting to recover because of you and the others being here for me. It means the world to me, and I promise that I'll do everything I can to return the favor.
Merry Christmas Allura, and thanks for everything!
♡ Ann